I recently was asked to write an article for Keshet, a national organization that works for full LGBTQ equality and inclusion in Jewish life. The request came as a result of my last blog article about “coming out” as the parent of a non-binary, queer adult child.

You can read the Keshet piece here.

While I draw from my own experience, the Keshet article is not meant to imply that anyone in my wonderful synagogue has done anything wrong or dismissed requests for more inclusive language, programming, etc. I have not made such requests. Change begins with awareness, and I’m doing my part to promote that awareness. Frankly, if we ask many of our teens and young adults, they will say they are somewhat uncomfortable or disinterested in religious institutions for a variety of reasons. That’s normal. Then they come back or find a good fit elsewhere. And we learn too.

For background, I’ve included a portion of the Facebook post from my child, which prompted my personal blog post. Miriam wrote this after attending Queer Talmud Camp, a program hosted by Svara, “a traditionally radical Yeshiva, dedicated to the serious study of Talmud and committed to the Queer experience.” The trip to Queer Talmud Camp was funded by the University of Michigan Frankel Center. Apparently, if you ask for a grant for legitimate Jewish study, they will fund it, even if you are a freshman. Those who know my child know that this is not out of character to ask for and receive such a great opportunity.

Really missing queer Talmud camp. Excited for what the next couple months in the Bay Area will bring.

Now the fun part: here is photographic proof of one happy camper who felt really good for a few beautiful days at queer Talmud camp. I’m smiling because I’m feeling supported by a loving community. I like that feeling (you could say I memorized it).

And because I want to build a future that has that feeling in it more often, I’m going to do a thing which in 10 years is going to be in anthropology textbooks as one of those early trans history techniques: the Facebook coming out post. Yes big surprise, not only am a queer weirdo, I am also non-binary. I use the pronouns they/them/theirs. Most of you know, some of you don’t. I don’t want to have to guess anymore so I’m just telling you.

If that is new, confusing or even upsetting to you, here are some resources that help explain what I mean. Trans people have to do a lot of educating which gets really draining. But I’m going to do some educating here so that you can feel empowered to get started on your own research. Please. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, educate yourself:

My gender is non-binary (neither male or female) and I use the pronouns they/them/theirs (for example: Miriam went to camp and they had a lot of fun).

Forming new habits takes practice and inevitably you will make mistakes. That’s okay. Practice using gender neutral language when referring to me, and when you mess up you can correct yourself and try again the next time. Remember it’s okay if I don’t feel up to explaining everything all the time.

I’m turning my phone off for Shabbat. When I turn it back on, I’ll have a better idea of the work ahead of me in the week to come. Make me a happy camper, please read those articles before you comment. Thank you to the people who have supported me and shown me the way and helped me speak this truth.

May you be blessed with communities that hold you in your truth. Shabbat Shalom.

I was moved, touched and relieved by the Facebook post. Why relieved? Because we have been talking about sexuality and gender in my house for years. No child simply “comes out” one day out of nowhere. While I had certainly discussed this with friends and family, the degree of disclosure varied. Finally, I could be direct and honest with everyone. Unsurprisingly, “my child has been talking about this too” was not an uncommon response. Our children are discussing and accepting variations in gender identity and sexual orientation in ways we never did. We talk about Jewish continuity and community so much, we can’t ignore the importance of not only tolerating but truly understanding the range of gender and sexual expression in our community.

My original “coming out” post exploded (“exploded” is relative when your posts usually only reach your immediate friends and family). A month later, it has been viewed more than 1100 times and shared over and over again. Clearly, this is a conversation we need to be having. We owe it to our children to make them visible in our religious institutions, schools and youth groups.

I hope you will engage in this conversation with me as we explore, ask questions and figure out how to engage all of our children and young adults in the communities we have created and the communities they will continue to create for the future.